How to Support a Loved One in Eating Disorder Recovery
Watching someone you care about struggle with an eating disorder can feel painful and confusing. You might want to help, but fear saying the wrong thing. You may wonder what to do when meals feel tense, or how to support their recovery without overstepping.
It’s so normal to feel unsure, supporting someone in eating disorder recovery can be tricky. The good news is that your presence, compassion, and willingness to learn can make a huge difference.
Here are some ways to support your loved one through healing.
1. Lead with Empathy, Not Fixing
It’s natural to want to “make things better.” But recovery from an eating disorder isn’t something you can fix for someone else; it’s a gradual process of rebuilding trust with food, the body, and self that only the person struggling can do for themselves. What does help? Support and listening.
Instead of offering advice (“Just eat,” or “You look fine!”), focus on listening without judgment. You might say:
“That sounds really hard.”
“I’m here for you, no matter what you’re feeling.”
When your loved one feels seen in their struggling, new opportunities for openness emerge.
2. Avoid Food or Body Talk
Even well-intentioned comments about eating, exercise, or appearance can be triggering. Try to steer conversations away from food and body-related topics.
Instead of focusing on what or how they’re eating, focus on how they’re doing.
You could ask:
“How have you been feeling lately?” or “What helps you feel supported right now"?”
“What have you been excited about lately?”
Creating a space free of food and body talk can help your loved one have a space to breath. It can also be helpful to ask them about things outside of their eating disorder; it can help them remember you see them more than their struggle.
3. Respect Their Boundaries
Your loved one’s recovery is deeply personal. They may not always want to talk about it, or they might need space at different times through their recovery.
If they set boundaries (like asking you not to discuss certain topics or attend meals), try to honor them without taking it personally. It can also be important to remember that the boundaries may change over time, and you are allowed to have them too.
You can say:
“I completely understand. I’ll give you space, and I’m here whenever you’re ready.”
4. Learn About Eating Disorders
Taking time to educate yourself shows care and commitment.
Learning about the emotional and biological roots of eating disorders, including how trauma or anxiety can play a role, helps you support from a place of understanding rather than fear.
Reliable resources include:
NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association)
Health at Every Size (HAES) principles
MEDA (Multiservice Eating Disorder Association)
Understanding that recovery isn’t about willpower or control, but about healing deep emotional wounds, helps you show up with compassion and patience.
5. Support Their Professional Help
Recovery often requires a multidisciplinary team, including a therapist, dietitian, and medical support.
Encourage your loved one to stay connected to their team and remind them that seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength.
You can say:
“I’m proud of you for getting support.”
“You don’t have to do this alone.”
If you’re unsure how to help, consider seeking your own support. Therapy can be a space to process your emotions while learning how to show up effectively for your loved one.
6. Focus on Connection, Not Monitoring
Your loved one doesn’t need you to monitor their meals or behaviors; they need your connection. I know it can be hard to let go, but it can help to remind yourself that they have treatment team, and the best thing you can do for them is just be their loved one.
Try to create moments that remind them they’re more than their eating disorder:
1. Watch a movie together
2. Go for a gentle walk
3. Share memories or laughter
4. Talk about something completely unrelated to food or body image
Genuine moments of connection can help them feel grounded in the parts of life recovery makes possible.
7. Remember to Care for Yourself Too
Supporting someone through recovery can be emotionally draining. It’s okay to have your own feelings: worry, frustration, sadness.
You can’t pour from an empty cup, and taking care of your well-being helps you show up with more patience and love.
Healing Happens in Relationship
Recovery from an eating disorder doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in connection with safe people.
If you’re reading this, it means you care deeply. And that care, paired with patience and understanding, truly matters.
If your loved one is ready to explore healing through therapy, or if you want guidance on how to support them, I’m here to help.
I offer trauma-informed eating disorder therapy in Seattle, WA, and telehealth in Washington and Massachusetts.
Reach out today to learn more about how therapy can support you and your loved one.
