Coping with the Holiday Season When You Have an Eating Disorder
The Holidays Aren’t Easy for Everyone (or Anyone?)
The holidays are portrayed as fun, connecting time. There are lights, family and friend gatherings, and shared meals. But let’s face it: the holidays are stressful! And if you’re healing from an eating disorder, it might also bring anxiety about food, family gatherings, or routine changes.
You’re not alone if this time of year feels complicated. Struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing in recovery, it simply means you are human, trying to navigate through food and body image challenges through a stressful and triggering time of year.
You may want to enjoy the holidays, and find them challenging: both are ok.
Why the Holidays Can Be a Hornet’s Nest of Triggers
The holidays tend to revolve around food, connection, and family which can stir up emotions and stress, and may lead to using coping strategies, such as eating disorder behaviors to get through.
Food-centered gatherings can feel overwhelming and anxiety might increase with eating in front of others.
Changes in routine might feel destabilizing after finding structure that has been working for you.
Comments about food or bodies at best can feel annoying. At worst? Incredibly triggering.
Family dynamics can at times cause stress or bring up past experiences.
If your nervous system feels more activated this time of year, that’s not a failure, it’s your body’s way of trying to adjust to the increase in stress. That increase in activation can make triggers feel more intense and more difficult to regulate.
Grounding: Turning the Stress Dial Down
Before thinking about food or plans, it helps to first focus on getting grounded.
Take moments to check in with yourself, maybe in your car before heading into an event or at the start of your day.
Step outside for fresh air or hold something comforting (like a mug of tea or a cozy blanket).
Ground yourself by naming what you can see, touch, or hear in the moment.
Take inventory of your current capacity and allow yourself time for rest
These small acts of care can be a way to remind your body to exhale.
Setting up for success: How to cope with food anxiety
When food feels overwhelming, start with gentle structure and self-compassion:
Keep a rhythm of eating throughout the day. Skipping meals to “save up” often increases anxiety and makes eating harder later.
Have a plan for support. Maybe a grounding text from a friend, a coping note on your phone, or a playlist that helps you reconnect.
Release the need for comparison. It can be so tempting to compare your plate to others. Refocus on what your body needs and eat with others that support fueling your body.
Give yourself permission enjoy and not be perfect. It’s ok if eating doesn’t go perfectly, and notice how you can be compassionate to the part of you that feels anxious around food.
Navigating Body Comments and Family Triggers
For many people, comments from others can be one of the hardest parts of the holidays. Even though some comments may be well intentioned (others, maybe not), they can throw you off the track and make you feel even more anxious.
You have the right to set boundaries and you get to choose how open you are about why you don’t want to talk about food. If it is someone who knows about your recovery, you might let them know that food and body comments are not helpful.
If it is someone you don’t want to disclose to, you might say:
“I’d rather not talk about food or bodies today.”
“Yes, I really enjoy (insert food here)”--then change the subject
*make small verbal acknowledgment* then ask the person an unrelated question
It makes sense if the comments sting. Maybe take a moment to acknowledge and validate your feelings. Perhaps then you take a break, read your coping note or text someone who understands. You don’t need to respond perfectly.
Finding what you like about the holidays: beyond food
Food and appearance are only one part of the holiday experience.There might be other parts of the holidays that feel joyful and connect to your values.
Focus on connection: sharing laughter, stories, or quiet time with loved ones.
Reflect on what you’re grateful for beyond your plate or your reflection.
Make space for rest and slowness.
Reconnect with what brings you genuine joy: music, creativity, nature, or going to a light show.
The messiness of recovery can lie in acknowledging both the hard and joyful pieces of the season, and allowing yourself to be with it all.
How Therapy Can Help During the Holidays
If this season feels especially difficult, therapy can be a safe place to unpack what’s coming up and find ways to stay grounded.
In trauma-informed eating disorder therapy, we work to:
Understand what feels triggering and why
Reconnect with your body’s and learn cues of safety
Heal the shame and perfectionism that often surface around food
Build compassion for the parts of you that learned to cope through control or avoidance
Using approaches like EMDR and somatic awareness, therapy can help your body and mind find calm again, so you can experience this season with more ease and less fear.
A Gentle Reminder
You deserve a holiday season where your stress isn’t coming from food and body image (can’t promise to take the stress out of the whole season!)
If food feels stressful or your body feels hard to live in right now, that’s reason enough to reach out. You don’t have to face the holidays alone.
If you’re looking for eating disorder therapy in Seattle, WA, or telehealth support in Washington or Massachusetts, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.
Healing is possible, even during the holidays.
