How to Handle Family Gatherings When You’re Healing Your Relationship with Food
If you’re healing your relationship with food, family gatherings can feel complicated even when you care deeply about the people you’re gathering with.
You might notice a sense of tightening in your body as the event approaches. Old thoughts about food or your body may get louder. You might feel pressure to “handle it well,” or worry that being around certain conversations or dynamics will undo the work you’ve been doing.
If any of that feels familiar, I want to say this clearly:
This makes sense
There’s nothing wrong with you for finding these moments hard.
Healing your relationship with food doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It happens in real environments, with real histories, and often in relationships that shaped how your nervous system learned to cope in the first place.
This isn’t about doing family gatherings “right.”
It’s about staying connected to yourself as best as you can.
Before the Gathering: Building Support
Name What You’re Walking Into
You don’t have to analyze or fix anything here. Simply noticing can help your nervous system feel more oriented.
You might be walking into:
Comments about food, weight, or bodies
Pressure to eat a certain way
Being observed while you eat
Family roles that pull you away from yourself
Quietly acknowledging this, even just to yourself, can reduce the shock your body might otherwise feel. This is about preparation, not judgment.
Choose an Intention That Centers You
Rather than setting rules for yourself, it can be more supportive to set an intention rooted in care.
Some examples:
I’m allowed to listen to my body.
I can prioritize feeling grounded over pleasing others.
I’m allowed to take breaks.
Intentions leave room for flexibility. And flexibility is often what allows us to stay present with ourselves, even when it gets hard. Maybe you given bring a small object, such a stone with you to keep in your pocket to remind you of your intention if things become challenging.
During the Gathering: Staying With Yourself
You Don’t Owe Explanations
You are not required to explain your food choices, your body, or your healing process.
If comments arise, it’s okay to:
Respond briefly and neutrally
Change the subject
Step away from the conversation
Say very little
Make a quick comeback (sassiness encouraged)
Protecting yourself when judgemental food comments show up is not avoidance. It’s care.
Support Your Body When Activation Shows Up
Family gatherings can activate old survival responses, even if nothing “bad” is happening in the moment.
If you notice anxiety, numbness, or a pull to disconnect, you might try:
Pressing your feet gently into the floor
Letting your exhale be a little longer than your inhale
Noticing the support of the chair beneath you
Look around the room and find 3 things you haven’t noticed before
These are not techniques to make feelings go away. They’re ways to remind your body that you’re here, now, and supported.
You’re Allowed to Step Away
Stepping outside, going to the bathroom, or taking a pause is a way of staying connected to yourself, not a failure to cope.
You’re allowed to take space.
You’re allowed to leave early.
You’re allowed to choose what feels most supportive in your body.
After the Gathering: Integration Instead of Critique
Notice the Pull to Judge
It’s very common to replay what you ate, what you said, or how you felt afterward.
If that happens, you might gently remind yourself:
I did the best I could with what was available to me.
Healing is not measured by how well you perform under pressure. No matter how it went, being compassionate towards yourself can also be a step on the healing process.
Offer Your Nervous System Some Care
Being in activating environments takes energy, even when things go “fine.”
Afterward, your body may need:
Rest
Quiet
Warmth
Familiar routines
Gentle movement
Connection with someone or your pet who feels safe
When Family Gatherings Keep Pulling You Back Into Old Patterns
If family gatherings consistently leave you feeling disconnected from your body, anxious around food, or pulled back toward eating disorder behaviors, that’s not a personal failure.
Often, these reactions reflect:
Unprocessed relational or developmental trauma
Nervous system responses that formed for a reason
Patterns that once helped you cope
Trauma-informed therapy, including approaches like EMDR, can help you explore these responses.
You’re Allowed to Heal at Your Own Pace
You don’t have to want everything to change to deserve support.
Every time you notice what’s happening inside you, and respond with curiosity, you are moving toward healing.
If you’re looking for eating disorder therapy or trauma-informed support in Seattle, WA, or via telehealth in Washington or Massachusetts, you’re welcome to reach out. We can explore together whether support might feel helpful right now.
You don’t have to do this alone.
